Lyme Life Monday ~Dissociation
Dissociation is exhausting. It takes so much energy. I rest before and after any kind of activity, but it’s another level to be at a gathering, a party or a meeting. It is so worth it, though.
Pain is exhausting.
My body hurts but I don’t want that to be anyone’s focus. Saturday I cooked most of the day, from about 10am until 5pm. I worked on my lesson suggestions and went to a camp counselor training in the evening. When I got home, I couldn’t even think of cleaning for the next day. In the morning, I got up my usual stiff achy self. I dragged my body around for a couple of hours, then began to come to.
I basically have to ignore the pain to move normally. If I keep moving, it’s kind of like the momentum of a bicycle. I stay in the moment and pay attention to others. I want to retain my dignity. Sometimes it is just not possible, but I can usually do it well now. People don’t even know I’ve been ill. We had half a dozen guests over yesterday.
I’m paying for it today for sure. I planned it.
What are you planning? Does your calendar dictate to you or do you dictate to your calendar?
Dissociation in my case, allows me to enjoy time with friends and family. If I did it all the time and didn’t let my body rest, I’m sure I would be where I was a year ago. I hope that I will get strong and healthy enough not to use dissociation, but it’s serving me now.
The problem comes when we get disconnected so far from our bodies that we are not aware of what they really need. We forget to nourish them. We can even have dire consequences by not noticing a problem that could have been readily dealt with.
Dissociation is not an Answer
We are tri-part beings. We are spirits, we have a soul, and we live in a body. All three parts work together or against each other at any given time. Lyme attacks our bodies, which affects our minds, but we can stay strong in our spirits.
You, the real you, are important. Your life is of inestimable value. You are unique and you have a purpose. Lyme can really distract us from that. All the meds, doctor visits, the days on the couch, insomnia, anxiety and the pain detract from our individual purposes.
We need to take some time and look ahead and plan. Even as bad as last year was, I planned, sometimes numerous times each day. I had notebooks or note paper in every room with things I wanted or needed to do written on them. It helped, even though it was hard emotionally to know that I couldn’t keep track of things.
By planning rest and being very deliberate about it, I am recovering. I hope you will too.
Think of a river, if it flows quickly for a long time it becomes silty. It’s too mucked up to see beyond the surface. A pool at rest is usually clear. Sometimes you can watch the creatures at the bottom. Everything needs rest.
Do you plan? Or do you take it as it comes?
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