A Sexual Assault Survivor Considers Kavenaugh
I live in a clearing in the woods, far from DC. I have only the information that I can consume on the internet about Justice Kavenaugh and the fiasco of this Senate Confirmation process. Since, I work, that isn’t much.
The Vitriol
I wouldn’t even have looked up, if it weren’t for all the vitriol. My perception of that is that those people having fits and screaming in the streets are not ok. They may need some restorative therapy. Obviously, they have been traumatized at some point, if not at this time. Perhaps, some of them came into the discussion ok, but the deep pain of sexual assault has so many in a frenzy, it may be spilling over.
Pons of a Larger Goal
As I said, I have very little information about what’s actually happening, but I caught a few things today. The judicial appointment is a big deal, but not enough to suddenly get on a plane, fly across the country and protest. Some people speculate that some of the protesters have been invited by people who would directly benefit from the disruption, that maybe some were even paid to be there.
I tend to step back and look for a larger picture. Could the end of Roe, be near? I don’t think it’s that relevant to his seat. Oh, I know it tips the SCOTUS toward conservative rulings and maybe even… dare I say, Constitutional? He will still be one of nine. And Planned Parenthood executives are the most devious people on the planet. They have been working in the states for years and years to thwart something as trivial as a Supreme Court decision that might threaten to disrupt their flow of blood money.
Roe is important, but is that enough to get people to behave like this? Other than those who truly believe he assaulted Dr. Ford and those who believe that even with a clean record for the entirety of his adult life, he is unqualified, who would oppose him? People have told me it’s about abortion. I have some theories.
Judge the Evidence
In all of this mayhem, has there been evidence? How could we, strangers from all over the country, possibly think we could be judge and jury to those involved? I guess we trust those in authority very, very little.
I reported my assaults. As a throw-away kid, I was on the streets. I lived in my sneakers. It was some time after the statute of limitations had run out that I went to the police in the town where the child abuse took place, but there was no evidence. I asked them to look for clues where it had happened, but I guess, I could have made up something about the markings and the scene. Nothing happened.
For my traffickers, I have not reported, because of the statute of limitations, but more importantly, because of zero evidence. I was completely and totally convinced at the time that I decided to prostitute at thirteen years old and it wasn’t until I had children that I realized the truth. Children are not small adults. They need tons of instruction and time to develop executive reasoning skills.
Trauma Leaves a Mark
There is evidence of trauma in the life of a person who has been traumatized. I think that we all have some to a degree. “Everybody’s got stuff,” I frequently say. Maybe it was a grandparent’s death or a treasured friend’s betrayal that overwhelmed you for a bit of time. It changed you. Maybe you have the scars to prove it.
It could be any kind of trauma, like a car accident that leaves a person changed. There is something different about violating our bodies that changes us, though. The core violation of sexual abuse has been well known to evil people forever. Rape and pillage is a part of human history. In wartime, so often those terms are throughout conquest after conquest. I frequently pray for the women delivering their children after the Boca Haram attacks last year.
The evidence of trauma is often intermittent and can be managed, but might not completely go away. Things like all of the somatic symptoms; fatigue, chronic pain, digestive issues, anxiety, sleep disturbances, bouts of depression, and a slew of autoimmune diseases, like lupus, arthritis, and heart disease. Then, there are the psychosocial flags. Self sabotaging behaviors, overextention of resources, and either a lack of self care or narcissism can run people ragged.
Evidence Has a Shelf Life
Five days. A forensic exam for evidence needs to be done within five days of a sexual assault. That means that if it’s been longer, you’ll need some other evidence. The only evidence that lasts longer is a baby conceived by the rape or trafficking situation. I differentiate because a simple sexual assault can result in a greater degree of trauma than a stint of relatively calm trafficking. I didn’t call it traumatic until later when I couldn’t ignore the damage. It seems normal when you are young and you don’t know any thing else. Even the violence is just a part of the life. This isn’t the hallmark channel.
If one of the men who bought or trafficked me were going to the Supreme Court and I had no evidence, I think I’d reach out to someone who would listen to see if they could make sure that man had not been a deviant all his life. Of course, that could’t happen, but if it did…
If Ms Ford was truly concerned that he would use his position of power to harm others, then I hope she would make her concerns known. Putting her concern to the public, rather than investigating by whatever means available, is terrible. From what I understand, this man has been under investigation for at least months, but likely years. He is no small fish. Could scandals be squashed that thoroughly? Perhaps, but then we will see it at some point.
The Truth Sets Us Free
Not to be trite, but this world is not all there is. I know it sounds crazy to some people, but we were created and our creator is very interested in us. We were created to be His companions, by consent, of course. He came to give us life and life more abundantly. The devil came to steal, kill and destroy. You and I have an enemy and it isn’t the guy or girl next to us.
There is more going on in this world than any of us can really grasp. Step back and make sure it is well with your soul. We live in a world of constant information overload. Speeches and news bombard us wherever we turn. It’s tough to know the truth. Ask Him. I did. One day in desperation, I looked up and said, “God, if you’re real, I need you to show up.” He showed up through people, because that’s how it works.
Justice Kavenaugh
Justice Kavenaugh sits on the Supreme Court and life will continue pretty much as usual for most people. There will be some other calamity to keep us glued to our devices watching the harangue we call news. I do hope there will be accountability for the people who incited this crazy uproar of emotional fulmination. It certainly has been costly.
Similar to the propaganda of the abortion industry, the idea that women won’t be believed is a lie that may have deadly consequences. When you are ready to report a sexual assault, report it where it will do the most good. If it’s been decades, it might be best in a healing setting. If you’re concerned about the assailant continuing to prey on others, than a detective might be best. Not everyone will believe us. We don’t need everyone to believe us. I have some records from social workers, but that doesn’t matter to some people.
Healing
There are compassionate people who can help you heal from the core violation of sexual assault. But there are those who would commiserate and compound your pain. Be aware of the difference. There are billions of people on the planet. If you are around those who are feeding into negativity, get around some others. You are important.